Dragon of Mine
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Part of what makes me certain that I am dragonkin is the few memories I have. I do not have any recollection of doing anything remotely like these memories, or anything that relates to them in my current life. The sensation of these memories were more than just images floating in my mind, but a sensation of being there. The experience when I had these were significant in that I could feel all the senses at once, even the sensation of thoughts and feelings.
As I learn more, or find more I will expand upon this page. I’ve learned over time that this is not something that stays static in one’s life. The life I remember is gone and done, but the memories can still flow back through time. The understanding of them too can change as well. Either way, this is part of who I remember I was, and has given me a small glimpse into who I am today.
The first thing I remember seeing is the cliff, an outstretched rock where my parent and I are headed and the open expanse before us. The arid landscape is built by rolling hills that build upward into the mountains in the distance. Its a calm warm day, with only a single long wispy cloud high above. I can feel the exhilaration of something new coming and how important it is for me. I can feel that heady rush of walking up to the best moment of my life. Even though that whole life up to that point was short, I was still very very young, a hatchling. I was going to learn how to fly.
I sit on the outstretched rock, and remember looking around me. Dry hills with bushes made mostly of sticks and outcrops of rocks and boulders were all around us. Directly below was a dried up river bed, it had water in the past but right now it was quiet and dusty. The land around us was a rusty sort of brown, but as the vision met the mountains the colors turned to a deep dark green of pine trees. The cliffs were higher than the hills around us, and I have the feeling, though never saw, large mountains behind me somewhere. Somewhere up in those mountains was were we lived.
While I am sitting at the edge of the rock, I can sense that my father walks up to and sits on a larger rock somewhere behind me. This part of the memory has always felt strange to me because of the sensations and communication that happens next. I can tell that my father is talking to me, though I don’t hear words like how you and I might talk. There were sounds, but I cannot piece them together as words. I’m not sure though if its because the sounds don’t translate into what I understand as language, or if my young mind is so excited and distracted by what I know is coming next that I’m just not paying attention. After a few moments I can tell there’s some mild frustration from my father, but then he gives some sort of resigned rumble. Then I get the sensation of “go ahead”, again not in words just I understand it like that.
That’s all it took, I stood up, nearly immediately leap off the outcropping, and snap my wings open. The first sensation is the air all around me, like wind but just motion through the air. Then I feel the weight on my wings my body being supported by the pull of my wings on my sides and the pressure on my wing shoulders. Then the amazing feeling of just being excited and happy pours through my mind. I’ve suddenly gotten everything my little heart desired right then, life is perfect, the world is perfect, all is as it should be sort of happiness. It is bliss!
After a few moments of this I feel the pull of curiosity, and I look downward and slightly behind me. I see more forelegs dangling and back at the base of the small cliff I had jumped from. I can see the rusty colored rocks that form the cliff, the sandy riverbed, and some small scraggly looking bushes. Then I straighten my neck, but continue to look down below me.
Now I can see the bushes and rocks below be passing by so fast. This incredible feeling of speed strikes me as I realize that I’m moving much faster than any time I’ve ever run before then. Rocks and bushes are just zipping by compared to running past them, and it feels so effortlessly as I hold my wings out in a glide. I find it absolutely fascinating how I glide over a hill and realize that it would have taken me so much longer to walk over or around the hill, but here I was just floating past it. It feels like only a couple moments and the hill is behind me. I just savor the idea of how free that feels. I can conquer the land now.
As I come up to the rising side of the next hill I notice that the rocks and bushes seem closer than the previous hill. That draws me out of my reverie and I look up for the first time since I leapt off the cliff. I notice immediately that I’ve lost some altitude now and instead of staring off into the distance, I am now staring into the center of the crest of the hill before me. More specifically I’m headed straight for a collection of boulders that look especially unpleasant to me. The next sensation through my young little brain is that I’m going to crash, and a tiny jolt of panic hits me then. So I try flapping my left wing to do a graceful turn that I know the adults do. The flapping only makes me feel unbalanced, and then the jolt of panic hits me again, I didn’t turn, and I didn’t like the unbalanced feeling either. Now the rocks are much closer and I realize that I’m not completely sure if I can get out of the way, panic overtakes me at this point. As the rocks start filling my vision I do the only other thing I can think of, brace for impact. I curl up and tuck my head under my body and fold my wings.
I’ve closed my eyes, but I feel the rush of air as I become completely ballistic at this point, falling back to the earth. A second or two later I feel the bone jarring landing into the earth, a sort of sparkle and lightning bolt pattern appear in my vision, I feel the pain in my forelegs, shoulders, wings, neck, and head all at once. I can feel the grinding sensation as I slide across coarse dry dirt for a few moments and a sharper pain right between my eyes. Then the motion stops and I just lay there for a few moments as I can feel my pulse in time with the ripples of pain across all sorts of places in my body. I hurt all over. I push myself over to my left side and unfold myself slowly. It hurt so much, like I had bruised my everything, but I still move like I usually do, just painfully.
I opened my eyes and I could see the shadow of my father landing nearby. The vision was blurry and distorted slightly from this point as well, clearly I had hit pretty hard, and I also noticed for the first time one of my spines are now in my field of view. I hear something like a chuckle from my father, but I just know he’s not trying to make fun of me or anything. I get the sensation of words, but again its not something I catch, but I can feel the warmth and love in his voice.
The first of the two moments I remember is one over the ocean coast. The sky is grey, overcast, and unfriendly. I can remember feeling the wind pushing back towards the coast that’s off to my left as I gaze out to the horizon to my right. I know from the shape and feel of the clouds above me and out to sea that there is a storm coming, but I’m not concerned about it. The waves beneath me are strong deep waves, clearly worked up from the storm that I’m looking at, but those too don’t concern me either.
The memory feels like the moment after something important happened, but I’ve never been able to lay a claw on exactly what it was. I know I’m still young, somewhere close to being an adult or something like that. I have the distinct feeling though that I don’t like where I am, or what I am doing. I have a feeling that I’ve lost someone or something, but again I have no indication as to who or what. The predominate things in my mind in that moment is the sensation of the weather around me, a sort of melancholy of loss for something I know I’ll never get back, and a vague feeling of where I am is wrong.
The second of the two moments is sometime later, but in the same area. I am sitting inside a small cave or hollow in the rocks. I know most of the coast line is actually cliff spaces, with a narrow rocky and pebble beach below. I can hear the crash of great waves somewhere below me outside. There’s a rather fierce wind and rain storm out there as well, but inside the space is rather well sheltered, if a little cooler than I like. Its still day, but much darker than the first moment of memory.
There’s two ways out of the space I am in, a larger one that’s at the end of a short walk to the main outcrop of the cliff, and a smaller one that I’m near. Somewhere behind me is a passage that leads deeper, but I cannot remember any thoughts or feelings about that direction. Near the smaller entry way though is something that I’m looking at, its a sort of talisman or little totem that’s hanging from the ceiling. There’s a pair of large scales fashioned into sort of wings, a stone in the center, and various fibrous plants woven into a colored pattern. I feel a sense of pride seeing it, but it also makes me feel like something is now missing again, related to what I felt over the water. What it is specifically I have no idea. I vaguely remember acknowledging that there are other similar talismans hanging in the little cave, but I don’t remember looking at any of them.
Not every draconic memory I have are big or come with clear signs that they are a part of my past. Not all of them are certain things either, as sometimes creative imagination can run amok and create scenes and ideas that were not necessarily part of my past. Once in a while I try to sort through these things and figure out what are the real memories and what are just pieces of imagination.
If the sensation or image is small, I will keep it here as a sort of micro catalogue. I will keep a list of the ones I am sure about, the ones I am still trying to figure out, and the ones that I thought were here but are certainly not part of my past. Part of the idea is to show how I sort through things, the memories and the flights of fancy.
While I was listening to some music I had a brief moment where I could remember dancing. There was a large fire pit burning in front of me, but I couldn’t see anything beyond the space around the flames. I had the sort of realization that there were some number of other dragons that were just beyond the reach of the light, though I couldn’t see them at all. I just knew they were there. I could feel my muscles burning with exertion, and knew I had been doing whatever dance for quite some time. The brief moment of the memory that I had was the last motions of the dance, and then standing up to look into the darkness where the other dragons were. I expected someone else to step into the light and then I would step back into the darkness to watch. After that I know imagination took over, so I will focus on what I can remember and see if I feel that it is a memory or some sort of weird imagination gone wild.
While meditating and listening to the sound of desert winds, I could see a sand dune and the grains of sand whipping over it and towards me. I was half buried in the sand at that point in a sort of ambush mode, or maybe just resting. I could feel the whole body flat against the earth, the wind whipping through my spines, and just being alive. It was a pretty complete, if brief sensation.
While meditating and listening to the sounds of water dripping in a cave, I had a brief sensation that might have been a slice of a moment from back when I had my wings. I don’t remember seeing anything, but having the feeling of being inside a cool, but comfortable, rocky space inside the mountain where I lived. All at once I could remember a wet patch at the back of the “cave”, and a place somewhere in the middle where I had some more of these little totem things. Pretty sure I worked on those a lot for some reason. I will have to try and explore that sometime.
I was in the middle of a meeting at work, I don't recall the topic of the work at that time, but it was pretty mundane. During the middle of the meeting, I had a vivid memory of having caught some prey animal, I don't remember what it was exactly. The part I do remember though was having dug my claws into its flesh and biting hard into its neck. It was only a moment worth of a memory, but the taste and smell of the kill was vivid at the moment. I could feel the heat of the creature, taste the blood and smell the blood as well. I could feel its skin under my claws as I basically wrapped myself around it to hold it in place as it died. I can remember a sense of accomplishment and happiness in the memory, but from the human perspective it was quite unsettling and made the meeting really hard to get along with.
I was meditating, performing a deep breathing exercise and listening to the sounds of some insects and a small brook, and I had a very short experience. I could feel the memory of myself laying in some soft sand next to the bank of a river at the edge between a small clearing and the woods. As I breathed in I could feel the air through my chest, and feel the air escape my mouth. The couple moments the experience lasted I could feel the sun on my scales, and a slight breeze coming across the clearing. I will have to think about this one as the trees weren’t what I remember where I lived, but I vaguely felt older in the memory, so maybe I lived beyond the desert and mountains. Hard to say.